Who knew that there would be a Mum's Race at Spa!
I am totally on it ...
Like all things in Motorsport, Regulations, Rules and Guidance are non-negotiable. Safety is paramount.
So here is the Guidance for the Mum's Race.
* Mums must prepare the car for scrutineering - ideally buy a Gregg's flaky pastry sausage roll and sprinkle it librally in the footwell and the narrow crevices in the back seats. Drop your favourite earring in whilst doing this. Leave teenage trainers in boot or old Starbucks Coffee cup to fester if you have one.
* Place boiled sweet in door pocket and leave to melt. Add fluff and dust for garnish. One day you will be desperate enough to eat it.
* Pack at least 8 large heavy duty Bags for Life in the boot. You WILL forget them when it matters and end up resentfully purchasing new ones for a quid each from eye rolling Race Officials who WILL ask if you are peri-menopausal.
* Stuff parking tickets, used tissues and old berol pens into all interior orifices. Do not forget to hide the receipts from TKMaxx in glove compartment. The Team Director WILL find them and you will be called to his office immediately. This could lead to a Full Course Yellow.
* 'Forget' to refill screen wash because you are too afraid to let on that you didn't watch and listen properly when you were last shown how to do it. Prepare to be sworn at by Race Engineer.
* Read the fuel gauge. See that it is on empty. Think that the car will race on fumes alone and proceed to race start. Prepare to be sworn at by Race Engineer. Again.
* Put race headphones on and pretend to listen to Race Engineer. Get excited when you hear him say 'Box. Box, Box' as you will think that it is your Amazon order.
* Take wing mirrors off. You don't use them anyway.
* Drive like you are on the school run - plenty of rubber necking, over revving, throwing children out onto curbs in first gear, speeding in second gear, shouting 'for fucks sake' to all pedestrians and cyclists, break without warning and drive up verges ignoring road markings.
* Lastly struggle to put Spanx on and have meltdown putting jumpsuit on. (Check for VPL, camel toe and Wedgie).
You are ready ... Good luck Risk!
Joking aside I am sat here in the pit with two sets of parents who have sons - one just 18 and the other 20 years old - who are going to race at nearly 200mph with 52 other cars for 24hrs tomorrow.
This fast:
This is what the parents look like:
Honestly I have never been so glad that my son Edward drives a Fiesta with a speed regulator!
But who knows I could be sitting with the next Race Superstar - Lewis watch out!
Good Luck Boys!
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Coming soon:
Part 3 - 24 hrs of Race