I have just bought a gnome. I should've bought two as I have a home in Kent and a home with my Mum.
It's a Court thing. I cannot say anymore. I'll let my barrister Mr Hill say if for me ...
Only joking. I do not have a barrister called Benny Hill. My barrister is me.
So not only am I legal eagle wannabe, at 49 years old I have moved back home with Mum.
In true Elle Woods style I have decided to embrace my new adventure and have been busy putting up U2 posters, smoking behind the garden shed and leaving cups and plates in my bedroom.
My Mum has, inturn, started telling me not to treat the house like a hotel and embarrassing me by donning tracksuit bottoms tucked into nude nylon pop socks whilst wearing mid-heeled sandals to put the bin out. (Think more Sue Pollard than Dame Judy Dench).
I am hurtling toward menopause, my 13 year old daughter is hitting puberty and my Mother is hitting the bottle.
As you can imagine - it's a riot of hormones, HRT and hangovers!
However ... When I find myself sulking, like I did when I was 15, I pinch myself and remind my ego that I have a beautiful daughter, two amazing sons, a wonderful new partner Nik, a new home and most importantly a new ability to look after Mum in her own home after she was widowed suddenly in February.
It is now my turn to look after Mum rather than Mum look after me.
I will cherish this time of 'Molly, Mum and Me' because none of us will live forever and we never know what is around the corner.
My Mum is a woman of indomitable spirit and she doesn't stay still for long.
In life we make decisions we can all live to regret. My Dad's choice of hat being an example of that.
However my Mum had never feared change ...
"Too many tears have been spent. Amanda I am moving to Kent!".
Do you want to tell Nik or shall I?
Gulp! Cheers! Happy Bank Holiday!